Not that girl
by water wolf 100
Summary: Mara thinks about Mick and how she will never have the chance to be with him. After all, he's dating Amber- beautiful, popular Amber. Songfic using Wicked's I'm not that girl.


**I forgot to put this in the first time I uploaded so I'm hoping this fixes the problem. This idea came to me when I was thinking of an idea for a oneshot or songfic I could use. I love Wicked and whenever i hear Popular I think of Amber (if you don't know that song go listen to it, you will think of Amber). I didn't want to use that song though so I was looking at other Wicked songs and I thoguht of this one and instantly thought of the Mara/Mick/Amber triangle. Then I figured since no one really knows much about the characters and their inner issues (like fears and insecurities) I decided to make this an issue for Mara. It's a bit angstier than my usual work so I hope that it turns out all right. Mara is probably extremely OOC in this but there's no way to know for sure so I just went with what would match the song. I don't own any HoA characters or this song...darn...that would be cool if I did haha. Don't forget to review!**Not that girl

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_Hands touch, eyes meet_  
_Sudden silence, sudden heat_  
_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl_  
_He could be that boy_  
_But I'm not that girl_

Mara stood in front of Mick's door, her hand raised to knock. She paused momentarily thinking about how Amber had reacted when Mick asked her for help on his homework. "_This is stupid_," Mara thought to herself. "_Mick and Amber are crazy about each other, even if they have nothing in common. There's no way he would fancy me_." Gathering her courage Mara knocked on the old wooden door. A second later it opened up to reveal Fabian standing there.

"Hi Mara. You're here to study with Mick right?" he asked cheerfully. Fabian always seemed to be in a good mood. Mara nodded and he stepped to the side. "I'll see you guys later," Fabian said. He walked out of the room and shut the door. Mick was sitting on his bed, staring absent mindedly at the biology text book.

Mick looked up at Mara and smiled. He moved his book and patted the edge of the bed, beckoning Mara to sit down. Taking a deep breath Mara sat next to him. "I can't thank you enough for helping me Mara," Mick said. Shyly Mara looked at Mick and smiled.

"It's no problem. So what didn't you understand on the assignment?" Mara asked. Mick placed his textbook in front of Mara and pointed to the first problem. Slowly Mara explained the question and helped Mick work through the first dozen.

It took a while but Mick finally started to understand the assignment. "This actually makes sense. Can I try the next one on my own?" Mick asked. Mara nodded happily. She was glad she was able to help him understand. "Where did my pencil go?" Mick asked. Mara looked around and spotted it on the floor. She reached down to grab it at the same time Mick did. Their hands brushed and Mara retracted her hand quickly. Mick pulled his back as well. Laughing, Mara reached back down and picked up the pencil and handed it to him.

"Here you go," she said softly. For a brief moment their eyes met and Mara found herself lost in his cerulean colored eyes. As Mick awkwardly broke off the stare Mara felt her heart jump into her throat. It was pounding rapidly and she had to concentrate on taking slow steady breaths. Why was she acting like this? Was she actually falling for Mick? But it would never work out between them, he was with Amber. He could never fancy her as much as he fancied Amber.

_Don't dream too far_  
_Don't lose sight of who you are_  
_Don't remember that rush of joy_  
_He could be that boy_  
_I'm not that girl_

It was hours later when Mara finally got back to her room. Amber was nowhere to be seen so Mara set her bag down by her bed and quickly changed into her pajamas. She got into her bed and picked up her copy of Catcher in the Rye. "What took you so long?" Mara looked up to see Amber standing there, arms crossed angrily. "Why were you with Mick for so long?"

"It was a long biology assignment. Plus I wanted to make sure he understood everything. We've been over this Amber; there is no way he could fancy me when he's head over heels for you," Mara defended. Amber didn't say anything back. Instead she sat down at her vanity and began brushing her hair. Soon Mara felt her eyes begin to droop and she shut her book and set it down on her bedside table.

Amber was just getting into her bed so Mara clicked off her light and shut her eyes. As she lay there trying to fall asleep Mara began thinking about Mick. Deep down she knew that he and Amber weren't right together, though she would never say that to Amber. "Stop it Mara," she thought to herself. "_Why get your hopes up for something that could never happen? We're too different as well. I have to be sensible about this."_ Mara then took her feelings and tried locked them away. But she couldn't lock away how she felt when their hands touched and when she was lost in his eyes. As Mara fidgeted in her bed she tried to convince herself that she didn't think of Mick as anything but a friend.

_Ev'ry so often we long to steal_  
_To the land of what-might-have-been_  
_But that doesn't soften the ache we feel_  
_When reality sets back in_

The next morning Mara woke up later than she usually did. Amber was already gone, her bag missing from its usual spot by the door. Quickly Mara sprang out of bed and put on her uniform. She ran into the bathroom and ended up colliding into Nina. "Sorry Mara," Nina apologized. "You popped out of nowhere. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Sorry for running into you like that. I wasn't looking where I was going." Nina smiled kindly at Mara. Mara was never able to figure out why Patricia didn't trust her; Nina was such a sweet girl. Plus she always stays calm when Patricia fires insults at her. Mara didn't think she would be able to do that. With a small wave Mara headed into the bathroom to get ready for class.

Checking her watch Mara realized that she was running a bit late. She gathered up her things and threw them on her bed. With her bag slung over her shoulder she jogged down the steps and into the living room. Everyone was eating breakfast and Mara took a seat between Fabian and Alfie. "There she is. Running a bit late Mara?" Jerome asked with a smirk on his face. Mara rolled her eyes at him and began placing food on her plate. As she ate her gaze drifted over to Mick and Amber. Her mind then began to wander. She imagined what it would be like to have a guy like Mick be interested in her. It seemed like it would be the most wonderful thing in the world.

"Mara? Mara? Mara!" Startled out of her daydream Mara snapped her head to see Patricia staring at her, confused. "Mara can you pass the juice?" Mara nodded and handed the pitcher of juice to Patricia. Everyone finished eating breakfast and went to get their bags. After setting her plate on the counter Mara picked up her bag and walked out the door. Ahead of her Mara saw Mick and Amber walking together. Amber's arm was wrapped around Mick's and they were both laughing about something. As Mara watched them she remembered once again of how much those two cared about each other. Even though she was happy they found each other, it hurt Mara to know that once again, she was the one left out.

_Blithe smile, lithe limb_  
_She who's winsome, she wins him_  
_Gold hair with a gentle curl_  
_That's the girl he chose_  
_And Heaven knows_  
_I'm not that girl_

During lunch Mara sat in the grass underneath the shade of a large tree. She watched as Amber and Mick sat at a picnic table, laughing happily. As Mara watched she began to realize why Mick liked her so much. Amber was one of the most beautiful girls she knew. Her smile brightened up a room as soon as she came in. She was tall and slender, allowing her to look good in anything she wore. Amber was such a popular girl; everyone liked her, even Patricia. Amber was always so peppy and easily excited. She never stressed out about things.

There were times Mara wished she was more like Amber. She was able to look at things so simply and see the good in them. Mara only saw things for their practicality but not their beauty. And of course there was the fact that Amber was a thousand times prettier than Mara. With her long golden curls that cascaded over her shoulders and her dazzling silver-blue that lit up when she was excited.

Mara didn't have the outer beauty that Amber seemed to be so blessed with. All she really had was her brain, and it was pretty hard to get a guy to notice you on just brains. She knew Mick would never fancy her because of it. He already found the girl for him, one with so much going for her it seemed like her life couldn't get any better if she tried.

_Don't wish, don't start_  
_Wishing only wounds the heart_  
_I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl_  
_There's a girl I know_  
_He loves her so_  
_I'm not that girl_

"Hey Mara. Do you think you could help me with some more biology homework tonight? I really want to do well on the next test," Mick asked. Mara looked at Mick from across the table. Supper was going uncommonly smoothly, so far no food had been thrown, no drinks spilt and no threats or insults made.

Mara looked over at Amber who was frowning at Mara ever so slightly. Mara knew Amber didn't like her tutoring her boyfriend but Mara couldn't say no to Mick. It wouldn't be right. "Ummm sure. Let me know when you want to work," Mara said cautiously. Catching another glimpse of Amber, Mara cringed at the death glare she was receiving.

After supper Mara went back down to Mick's room to work more on the assignment. She had to take deep breaths every time Mick spoke to her just to slow down her rapid heartbeat. "I think we've done enough for the night," Mara finally said. She had to get out of that room as fast as she could. Mick shrugged and shut his textbook. Together the two of them walked out of the room and headed up to the living room.

Amber was sitting on the couch reading a fashion magazine. "Hi Boo!" she called cheerfully. Amber jumped up and wrapped her arms around Mick's neck. Inconspicuously Mara scooted away from the couple and sat down at the dining room table.

As Mara watched Mick and Amber it made her heart hurt even more. Every moment she spent with Mick made her want to be with him ever more. That's what hurt her most, knowing that she wanted to be with him so badly but knowing that it could never happen. Mick wanted a girl like Amber, beautiful and charming. Mara had neither of those things; it just wasn't who she was. It was time to face the facts; she never would be like that. Mick had made his choice and Mara had to accept it. She had to accept that she wasn't his choice.


End file.
